


reflections

by Glasses_Girl



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Eventual Happy Ending, Friendship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Lance deserved better, Langst, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Season/Series 08 Finale, Self-Discovery, i want a better ending for lance so i wrote it, mentions of past allurance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-19 13:33:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17002611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glasses_Girl/pseuds/Glasses_Girl
Summary: lance is not able to look at his own reflection without breaking down anymorehe misses his face masks and beauty products, but he misses her more





	reflections

lance is not able to look at his own reflection without breaking down anymore

he misses his face masks and beauty products, but he misses her more

being in the garrison is conflicting. it feels like home but at the same time it feels like war again and then _he can’t breath and the world shri-  
_

the smell of juneberries centers him. in the fields of new altea lance breaths and it feels good. it feels like if he opened his eyes or turned his head, he would see her standing besides him _  
_

he wishes that looking at the juneberries’ fields and the new castle of lions and really looking at all of new altea brought him peace _  
_

(he feels bittersweet because the person that deserved the most to see those sights is the one that _would never_ lay eyes on them and it is so _unfair_ and now he wants to **_scream_** ) _  
_

he talks to the team frequently _  
_

hunk is on his way to be a culinary legend and he talks of diplomacy and teams and uniting the galaxies through good meals. it is a lot of big words and big goals and big plans but hunk is a big guy with an even bigger heart so lance just knows hunk can do it _  
_

(it fills him with ugly jealousy and yearning for when he had dreams like those and that makes him feel ashamed because- _  
_

_“that is all so great, buddy! i am happy for you!”_

the smell of dinner makes him sick that night)

pidge talks excitedly about new discoveries and breakthroughs and advancements, about the future and how bright it is. but some days ~~the bad days~~ she talks about how she wishes ryner could see her now and lance never felt so much like a kindred spirit like in those days

(he knows he is a terrible and petty person because when she talks about this it feels good even though it shouldn’t because-

_“she would’ve been proud, pidge”_

at least he is not the only one)

keith is out there saving the galaxy one planet at a time. everytime lance talks to him he is somewhere different with new people and stories of how vast the universe really is

(the universe is huge and filled with her: her life her essence her sacrifice

_“man, this all sounds awesome! good going, samurai!”_

and he is small and not alone, never alone, but still lonely)

shiro fell in love again and now is retired and married. he is the one that visits lance the most because he has the most free time of them all. he likes how calm it is in the fields, how the silence is comforting instead of threatening and tense like before

(sometimes they get drunk on fermented juneberry and talk for hours about loss and pain and insecurity and not belonging and-

_“sometimes i ask myself if he would be mad, that i could settle down and leave piloting and the garrison behind for curtis but i couldn’t for him, you know?”_

_“did you? leave everything behind, i mean”_

a deep breath

_“i don’t know”_

the nightmares and panic attacks and longing and terrible wonderful painful memories still weight them both down

_“yeah me neither”_

they never talk about all of this when sober)

but the one he misses the most is coran

he sees coran all the time and it still feels like they are the most distant

(there is heaviness in their conversations and they leave a bitter taste on lance because they both miss her so much and at least he got to say goodbye

coran doesn’t hold it against him

lance thinks he _should_ )

it takes two years for him to decide to change this

it was the day he decided he was done feeling jealous and terrible and petty and lonely and instead he wanted to feel _good_

he left new altea and asked hunk if he had a place for a new dishwasher

working with his best friend again felt like a dream and he learned so much about good food and good friends while being part of hunk’s team again

he missed it

(he cries once when he smells juneberry perfume on a market

he feels guilty about leaving new altea behind because it is like leaving _her_ behind

he accepts he will always feel a bit bad about moving on but that is okay

he still avoids mirrors though, because the guilt doesn’t stop being painful)

washing dishes gets old and he has no talent for the kitchen, so he asks keith if he needs a volunteer and that is how lance falls in love again

he falls in love with every single place he explores and all the people he meets and all the customs he learns

(he goes on a few dates and he has new crushes but he is too inconsistent for anything serious

he thinks of staying, when he meets a cute guy at a planet that reminds him of varadero but there is still so much to see that he doesn’t

he thinks she would’ve been happy for him if he stayed, though

he still feels guilty, but not about this)

lance starts to write a journal because he wants to document every single thing about all the places he goes so he never forgets a moment

(it is the first time he truly and fully understands why she did it

it is still painful and terrible and so unfair but now he can see why it was worth it for her

 _he realises he would have done the same_ )

he travels for years, even after keith settles down to live near his mom in the new daibazaal because it feels like if he stops, he will be back to new altea again

when the countless journals he keeps become too much of a hassle to store in his light bag, he sends them to veronica, who publishes them behind his back

( _“why did you do that?”_

 _“they were a fun read, so why not?_ ”)

(he hasn’t been back in new altea for years, except for allura day

the team always take a selfie with her monument, but he never keeps them, because the marks on his face _still make his bones ache with guilt and loss_ )

pidge asks lance for lunch one day and offers him a job as a garrison instructor

_“you could teach marksmanship, or history, or even cultural studies on alien civilisation with all the traveling and publishing books you do-”_

_“pidge, i am definitely not mentor material”_

_“you should give it a try, though. one lesson, just for fun. if you don’t like it, you can totally go back to bumming around the galaxies!”_

he loves it

after one lesson, he signs an employment contract. he will teach recruits about alien culture and instructing them on marksmanship, with long vacations where he can continue to explore new places and write more

(most days he manages to look himself in the eyes while brushing his teeth and he counts it as a victory)

after teaching fo a while, he goes back to visit new altea without it being allura day for the first time

he and coran talk for hours and it feels good to be with him again. they laugh together and talk about the last few years. they even manage to talk about her and the times before the war ended without crying ( _it was a first_ )

_“she would be proud of you lance”_

that night he stares at the mirror for a really long time because it is the first time his reflection is smiling at him

and he feels _good_

**Author's Note:**

> comment or message me if you find any mistakes! 
> 
> english is my second language, so any help is good


End file.
